Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
