My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
