Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
