too bad you live with your parents still
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sorry my hands just texted you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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