You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
