She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
