I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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