That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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