He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
