You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
