You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
