Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
