please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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