He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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