my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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