i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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