I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
