there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
