I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sext me about skeletons
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
