Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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