Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
