Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
