I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
