Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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