I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please, let me fuck your mom
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
