so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
