Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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