tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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