his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
