I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
