C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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