so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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