So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
