He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
where are my eyebrows?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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