My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
