Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Randomize
