Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
