Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
