Pappa wants mamma naked
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
