there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
