Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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