yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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