I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
