Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
