My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
