Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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