I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
