How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
