just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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