Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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