I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
