My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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